HONEY! I’M HO-OME!
Yup, I’m back, and didn’t y’all miss me? After having a month’s break and handing over my widely revered role to Darren, I decided it was time to blow the dust off the keyboard, put on my writing cap (like a thinking cap, but blue), and get writing the FNM articles again. Then I was told that Nigel hadn’t heard me asking around for any takers and wanted to do it himself, so I guess you’ll all have to make the most of this week before I once again depart and make way for another writer.
Last time as reporter, as all you regular readers will know, I used a different deck every week to make it as exciting as possible, and to make sure you never got bored of the same old lifted-off-the-net decklist, with which I continually 4-0’d, showing my helpless –rabbit-in-the-headlight- opponents no mercy, taking no prisoners. You’ll also know that it wasn’t until 3 2-2 performances with various control variants that I decided to go back to playing aggro (my strength, it would appear) and finally rack up a 4-0 performance. Now this would suggest that I’ve seen the light and decided to play aggro in all tournaments I attend, but obviously being me I wouldn’t dare to be this boring. The deck I decided on this week was kind of a hand-me-down, given to me by Daniel Gardner, given to him by Stuart Wright, given to him by Gabriel Nassif, and given to him by God. Okay that last one was a lie, I was just working my way up through increasingly powerful people in the magic world (yes God does in fact play magic, but he’s embarrassed, which is why there is controversy over the topic of blasphemy in the game).
The deck is essentially a mono blue control deck, but instead of doing nothing it runs an army of morphs to confuse and annoy opponents, after you willbend their demonfire, draw 3 cards a turn for a mere 1U, or deprive them of any future untap steps for the rest of the game. ‘Soggy Pickles’ also runs on a Teferi engine, in which it goes turn 4 Rewind, untap, Mystical Teachings, turn 5 Teferi, turn 6 morphy madness commences!
Soggy Pickles
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4 Vesuvan Shapeshifter 4 Dimir Signet |
2 Spell Snare 17 Island |
Sideboard 4 Annex |
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You’ll know from my previous reports that generally at this stage I write a list of players, a little description of said players and a little run through of their decks. This time, however, laziness triumphed and I forgot/ chose not to do this. I also forgot how many people were playing… in fact what day is it today? (don’t ya love being a teenager?). To fill the space that would normally be in this place I’ll give you a picture to admire:
(they’re all the same size, honest)
Round 1: Callum (AKA Stiffler)
Callum, or Stiffler (called so because he looks like Stiffler from American Pie, I can’t see it myself but…), has been playing at the Bishop for ages and is one of a group of pesky kids who play mainly for fun, but play really well – we should train them up and unleash them on a PTQ some day. Callum often has fun decks (like the dreaded Shoal deck, to which I lost only because of Fetters and Wrath…), though today his fun deck seemed rather competitive. It was essentially a BWR Firemane control, with Arenas to abuse the lifegain, but also ran Kher Keep and other stuff to abuse the like of Ghost Council and Smallpox.
Game 1 rolling and Callum started on the play, leading off with a turn 2 Withered Wretch, which I Snared down. He Resolved a Council turn 4, so I decided to unflip my Shapeshifter into it; the same fate faced by his second Council. The game stalled out a bit, with not much fun happening apart from me Willbending his own Castigate back at him (though sadly he still chose the card). I cast a Mystical Teachings for Teferi, which generally makes the game a whole lot more pleasant for me, but a Turn later Callum resolved a Phyrexian Arena (Commandeering seemed a bad plan at 5 life), then followed it up with a Firemane Angel. Some stalling and some card advantage later and the game was soon Callum’s when he drew his 3rd Ghost Council with me at 1 life.
Game two was fairly unexciting, in that Callum stalled on 3 land, and to add proverbial insult to proverbial injury, I Annexed one of his duals, to which he replied with a scoop.
Game 3 and Callum started, leading off with a turn 3 Castigate (no prizes for guessing what he drew turn three. No it wasn’t the land he needed to cast Castigate, stop trying to be clever), which was Mana Leaked by me. A Kobold later and Callum tried to Smallpox to rid himself of my morph, though his plan was faced with a Rewind. However it turned out using my Rewind was not such a good idea, as it allowed him to cast a Phyrexian Arena, and follow it up with a Firemane. 2 cards a turn without drawbacks doesn’t seem right, unless of course you’re the one doing it, as Callum soon found out – the creatures came at me thick and fast and I just couldn’t keep up with his card advantage.
Result: 1-2
Overall: 0-1
Round 2: vs Matty Mcfeely
Matty always plays awful decks (no offence meant) then ends up doing really well with them, which does get slightly annoying (plenty of offence meant). Today he was playing an aggro-ish mix of green, white and black cards thrown into a deck with Loxodon Warhammers and lands, similar to a deck he played the whole of last year, but with some new techy Time Spiral cards added (Mystic Enforcer comes to mind). Game 1 and I started on the play, though Matty didn’t hang around waiting for me to make the first move, leading off with a turn 1 Elves into a turn 2 Warhammer. Next turn he equipped and ran at me, hitting me to 14, so I replied with an end of turn Teachings, to see what I had to deal with his ickle Elves – Repeal seemed to be the best thing around to stall him out as much as possible. An off-the-top Desert left me wishing I’d found something slightly more useful, like… say… Teferi, but this plan also seemed to become redundant after I repealed Warhammer and ripped one straight off the top. Matty’s building army of Elves and Dryads did its best to work its way through my Desert, though dehydration and famine meant they couldn’t cope with a Teferi and his crew of flashy morphs.
Starting on the play, Matty’s first move was a Birds of Paradise, leading into a 3rd turn Hierarch, which faced the Wrath of my Mana Leak (yes, Mana Leaks are very scary). His next play was a Graveshell Scarab, which kind of made the Serrated Arrows I played out next turn rather redundant – the main idea of it was to kill some of his 12 X/1s, though it only managed to nibble on a Birds of Paradise before being shot down by Matty’s Putrefy. I made a Morph, then another one, and then another… but sadly my 2/2s can’t keep up with his Graveshell and a freshly cast Threshholded Mystic Enforcer.
Game 3 I started off with a 3rd turn morph, as Matty seemed to be doing nothing much, to which he replied with a Yavimaya Dryad (resisting the temptation of giving me a forest). Matty started to up the tempo a bit from there, by hitting down a Hierarch, then followed this up with a Ghost Council, neither of which I could respond to with any form of permission. With Matty tapped out I snapbacked his Council, removing a Brine Elemental (I was expecting to be dead before doing anything useful with it), and cast Mystical Teachings to fetch a Rewind for when his Council decided to come (back) out and play. However while I did my best to get rid of his council, a Hierarch (who had recently picked up his own elephantine Warhammer), was beating me down. I finally managed to dispose of it, but a Dryad off the top meant Matty could give me a forest and swing through unimpeded before my Deserts could have a say in the matter.
Result: 1-2
Overall: 0-2
Well, we’re at that stage again – 0-2 and going strong! The last three times I’ve done this I’ve then gone on to win the next two, and to add to the consistency of it all, my last two results were both 1-2. Freaky huh? No? shut up. *goes back to rocking in the corner*
Round 3: vs James Beck
James is at uni at the moment, and so only plays at the Bishop when there is a holiday (like this Friday). Before the round I explained to him the situation, and apologised for the fact that I practically had a God-given right to win the Match. He took it as a joke obviously (because obviously I meant it that way…) and we started in good spirits.
Okay I’ll admit it now – I’ve lost my notes on this match, but it wasn’t that fun anyway. It basically involved James savaging me with Teysa, Nether Traitor, and an array of cheap sac-creatures, like Thoughtpicker, making sure all I drew for the next infinite number of turns would be land and Rusalka, which made short work of my Teferi and his army of Morphy minions.
Because this match write-up isn’t very detailed, and I feel very guilty, I shall tell you a joke:
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of tarmac under his arm, and says to the barman,
“I’ll have one now and one for the road”
Round 4: I GOT THE BYE. WOOOOOT. BET YOU’RE ALL JEALOUS NOW.
[/end extreme noobishness]
Yup, I got the bye in the last round of a Friday Night Magic Tournament – slightly embarrassing. I also went 0-3 in the rounds I actually played – slightly more embarrassing. I also played a deck designed by a pro – Slightly more slightly more embarrassing. Shows me for listening to pros. I guess it was some sort of supreme being telling me this wasn’t my time as FNM reporter, and this is perfectly true – From next week I will be handing over to Nigel, who will hopefully rack up a slightly better result (though a better article, as we all know, is highly unlikely J).
Signing off,
Yours annoyedly,
Matteo 0-3rsini Jones.
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